Jimi Jam Jester

Thin and lanky. Crazy eyes. Long blonde hair that hangs past the shoulders. Covered in tattoos. Pierced ears and nose.

They say that every wrestler wants to be a rock star and every rock star wants to be a wrestler. James Jennings grew up wanting to be both. He formed his first garage band when he was 13. He went to wrestling school at 18. Did he do rock music to help his wrestling career or did he wrestle to help his music career? My guess is that even he doesn't know the answer.

At 21, his band hit the mother lode and got signed to a major label which caused his "retirement" from wrestling. His band released four albums to great commercial success until they started to implode from the inside. While writing the fifth, the band "took a break" and James decided to indulge his creative impulses to return to wrestling.

The world may never be the same.

I've got two. One, he needs a roadie. Someone to do mic checks and the like. I'm not going to spend a bunch of time creating him so I'll call him Dexter. Two, he needs a bodyguard… which seems like a good time to create our version of Chyna. Again, not going to create her but I'm going to call her Roxie.

The Honky Tonk Man mixed with Jimmy Garvin

This is just a sample from my head…

PW: And his opponent…

[A spotlight hits the entryway as a long-haired guy in a black “Ramones” t-shirt walks into view. He’s holding a guitar case in one hand and a mic stand in the other. He sets the mic stand down, leaning down to open the guitar case, pulling an acoustic guitar into view. He straightens up, leaning over the mic.]

Dexter: Gimme a check… check one… cheeeeeck… green eggs and ham… Sam I am… check check. Good?

[With a nod, he steps to the side, holding the guitar out…

…and the lights drop in the arena to a very loud ovation… which is odd because no one is cheering at all. In fact, we can hear pretty loud booing too which means that ovation must be pre-recorded. A booming pre-recorded voice rings out over the PA system.]

“CLEVELAND, OHIO…”

[More fake cheers.]

“ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!”

[Louder fake cheers.]

“I SAID… ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!”

[Even louder fake cheers.]

“WELL, ALRIGHT… from the Sunset Strip… the Rock and Roll Sensation that’s rocking’ the nation… the King of the Power Chord… the master of the Whammy Bar… American Music Award winner… Grammy nominee… Billboard Artist of the Year…

He’s THE JESTER of ROCK AND ROLL!

JIMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIII
JAAAAAAAAAMMMMM
JESSSSSSSSSTERRRRRRRRRR!

[A single spotlight hits the curtain to the louder fake roar of them all. After a moment, the so-called Jester of Rock And Roll comes walking through the curtain. He ignores the jeering fans, walking straight up to the mic.]

JJJ: Alright, Cleveland! Who’s ready to feel the rock from head to TOOOOOOOE?!

[Another fake cheer. He nods.]

JJJ: WELL, ALRIGHT!

[He reaches out a hand to the side… which lands an electric guitar in his hand. As the spotlight increases a bit more, we see the muscular woman known as Roxie standing behind him, eyes sweeping the crowd with her powerful arms crossed. The Jester hits a few strings on the guitar…

…and then starts blasting through a series of power chords with no real structure. He just keeps strumming… and strumming… and strumming as he starts walking down the aisle towards the ring.]

GM: He’s… good grief, does he HAVE to do that?!

BW: I love this one, Gordo! It’s no “My Baby’s Gone Blind” but…

GM: You actually listen to this stuff?

BW: Coming from a guy who thinks Louis Armstrong is cutting edge, I’m not about to listen to your taste in music.

[As he reaches the ring, Jester climbs up on the apron, turning towards the fans where he goes into a bunch of full sweeping arm power chords… and then swings the guitar up behind his head, strumming like a madman. The guitar work is getting a whole lot worse by this point and the boos are blasting him from all sides of the building…

…and then flips a switch on the guitar, sparks suddenly shooting from the end as he continues to play on…]

GM: How long is this going to go on?

BW: You never say that when Martinez is out here talking. Just enjoy the art.

GM: I’d enjoy it a lot more with earplugs.

[The lights kick back on as Jimi Jam Jester hands his sparkling guitar over to Dexter who tucks it into what we can now see is a case that holds two guitars. Roxie takes a spot in the corner, staring out at the aisle as Jester gives a “YEAH, ALRIGHT!” before ducking through the ropes into the ring. He grabs the top rope, banging his head back and forth a few times, sending his long blonde hair flying like crazy…

…and then does this nutty backbend, dropping almost down to the mat.]

heel